Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Deodorant Grenades

Picture this:

It's another Friday evening at the local comic shop, and the usual players of Magic:The Gathering are, well, gathering. It's almost time for the Friday night tournament, and excitement fills the air. As well as other things, none of which are anywhere near as pleasant. You see, most of these guys (and some girls) are... socially awkward and are what could be considered "hygenically challenged." One is bad enough, but you get 20 or so of them crammed into the little sections of comic shops devoted to such things.... Oi. Now, picture the poor clerk that has to stay and mind the store while these guys are in there. She's a decent sort, just trying to earn a living, and really very nice. She would NEVER in her whole life do something to hurt anyone, especially not comment on their body odor. But, enough is a enough. She reaches under the counter and pulls out the new product that she has just aquired. No, it's not a new card game, or even an expansion of an old one. It's a Deodorant Grenade (patent pending). Gripping the pin in her teeth she gives a strong tug, and promptly learns why that only happens in movies. Spitting out her poor, cracked molar, she pulls with her other hand this time and removes the pin. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" she yells as she lets the canister fly. The spoon flies free with a *ping* and everyone looks back in her direction, only to find her cowering under the counter. A short few seconds later and a *pop-fizz* is heard from under one of the tables, where the grenade landed. Instantly, the room is covered in a dense, white fog. Coughing can be heard from the denizens. When the fog clears, the room, and it's inhabitants, smells like spring blossoms! Huzzah, the choking funk of unwashed geek has been banished (for now)! The guys look around and notice "that one guy" that every geek-guild has that is bad even by their standards, the one that is usually regulated to the far corner, has *gasp* dissolved! Apparently he REALLY WAS made up entirely of funk, and the Deodorant Grenade did its job. Huzzah! He was a douche anyways. He was the only one hurt by the weapon, though. Everyone else went on to enjoy their evening. A few even took some valued lessons on hygene away from the incident. One even met a real girl (not the kind that plays Magic) the very next day!

This was just an idea that a friend of mine (the clerk in the story) and I came up with one night at a Magic tournament when she, a few others that believe strongly in personal hygene, and I had taken a fresh air break outside. She asked if I was capable of making something like that, and I said "Sure!" and got an evil look in my eye, the one I call my "Bomb Techs Gone Wild Look". I think I scared her. Anyways, it would be a handy piece of ordnance. Just like Shower-In-A-Can (patent pending), another invention idea of mine. I think it would have to be considered a WND, though, Weapon of Nastiness Destruction....

1 comment:

  1. Such an IED grenade does exist. It's called an Axe Bomb. Comprised of a can of Axe(tm)aerosol deodorant and duct tape or a rubber band to hold the plunger down and then toss said grenade into the offending (smelling) parties room. There is also an actual exploding version of the Axe (tm) Bomb but I won't go into that
    Here (try youtube)